can't reach a pen just to paint a line

i'm going to try to let this post be something of substance.

***

While walking out of my room today, I looked over at the many boxes piled outside my door.  I've been home for just over a year, and still the boxes are there.  They're just ordinary boxes, tan cardboard with black writing, but even when they finally get emptied, I don't know how I'll be able to throw them away.  The boxes come from a cafeteria, but not just any cafeteria.  They come from the Wildcat Den, the smaller cafe on Northern Michigan University's campus.  The Den was my home for nearly 2 and a half years.  I made friends there, I made enemies there, but mostly I just made food there.  Ask for a cheese burger, and I could grill it.  Ask for a pizza, I could bake it.  Ask for a salad, and well you'd have to get it yourself, but still, I probably stocked the bar.  That place has my sweat and blood all over it, not in the food of course, and really that's just a figure of speech, but I did sweat a lot there.  From sweeping and mopping, to standing next to the hot, flame grill during lunch rush, I did lose a lot of sweat.  There were countless times when not only did I open the place, but I also closed it down. 

The people were great, well mostly the people were great.  Some people were assholes.  One in particular was a a thorn in my side.  But she's out of my life for good.

***

Ok, so pride and prejudice is catching my attention and I'm not feeling this anymore.  I should write this down though.  Tina thought it was funny. 

"he was just telling the lie about darcy

I didn't post anything yesterday, so I guess that means 2 for today.

I'm getting ready to leave for work, so this will be short and sweet.

Sometimes I really hate that place.  It likes to suck the soul right out of me.  And because of it, I have no time for myself.  Much like right now.  I have to leave.   More from me tonight I guess.

Love, Lori

I was sitting here tonight reading through a lot of my old journal entries and things and it made me realize that I miss writing.  I don't write for me anymore.  Actually, I don't write at all.  So I'm going to try and write a little bit each day.  I know I'll forget, or be too tried or I'll have some other excuse, but for a little bit at least, I want to believe that I can do this.  My writing will be a mix of anything.  I had a professor once that said all great writers spend some time each day writing.  It doesn't matter what they write, only that they write.  So this is me writing.

I tried doing this a while back with writing on actual paper.  That didn't last long, because as you can imagine, I get bored easily and my hand cramps.  I'm hoping this will last a bit longer.  Also, I tend to repeat myself and jump around a lot.  But I figure that's ok because hell, this is my journal and I can do what I want.

One thing that's been on my mind lately is my age.  I realize that 23 is not that old, but I just feel like I'm wasting my life.  I've got friends that are either married or getting married.  Friends that are having babies.  Basically friends that are moving on with their lives, and I feel like I'm stuck in a rut.  I'm sure many feel like this, but lets be honest, it sucks. 

And of course, my choice in movies and music doesn't really help either.  I'm a natural born sap, so I'm drawn to "chick flicks" and songs of the same content.  Although what girl isn't?  But I guess my point is that at all sides of my world, there are examples of "love" that I'm just not seeing right now. I get that this is some major self-pitty right now, but I think everyone is entitled to it at some point.

I realize that this entry is pretty much pointless, but that happens sometimes.  I think in future entries I'm going to give myself some challenges.  Maybe write a story or something.  I want to work on my fiction writing.  It's terrible, believe me.  I never was good at that sort of thing.  Nonfiction is my pride and joy.. ha  I'd like to see how my "voice" shows through with some fiction.  But seriously, I'm not good at fiction.  The only genre I'm worse in is poetry, and believe me, no one wants to read my poetry.

I've literally just spent the past 20 minutes trying to look up a fiction writing prompt to give me an idea... and I haven't found a single one I like.  I guess tonight will be story free and instead filled with just idle ramble.  This may be the first time during this round, but it definitely won't be the last.

Good night!
Love, Lori

so i kind of stopped writing in here awhile ago. but after looking at it yesterday and taking a trip down memory lane, i realized how much things have changed and how much i need an outlet for writing things down. i don't really use the blog part on myspace. i miss blogging... i used to do it so much and now i don't writing anything down anymore. so i think i'm going to start writing again. things have changed, i've changed, and i'm ready for a new start (sort of).

i can't believe i'm in the summer before my senior year of college. it's so crazy. i'm living with coral up in marquette and i have no idea what i'm doing after college is done. i'm thinking i'll probably go back "home" and get an apartment with mary somewhere. who knows what i want to do with my life. hopefully i'll get a decent job with a newspaper or something of the like. if that's even what i want to do. i really wish i could just move to some foreign place and write a book. just live the life of a struggling writer. it would be so great and fantastic. too bad reality isn't so cool.

i'm trying to convince coral to go to a party with me tonight... i'm not sure if it's going to happen or not. probably more likely not. it'd still be pretty sweet though. i don't know... i guess we'll see.

well, this isn't so bad for a new journal entry in a long time. hopefully i can keep this up.. haha

p.s. i don't think i'm going to do friends only anymore.

( don't read this if you're still in high school, and you think highly of me.... otherwise, click the link :) )

so because of the actions of one particular person, which i'm pretty sure i know who it is, i've decided to go friends only. i'm tired of this person telling me that she is a better person then me, and then she leaves anonymous notes being really hurtful. so sorry to anyone that i might cut out. comment if you really want to be added.

i'm better than you all!!!

i just met hal sparks, got his autograph, and got my picture with him!!!  What a gorgeous man.

i just found out that one of my cats, which i've had since kindergarden died today. i feel horrible, and right now i hate being so far away!!!